Thursday, January 24, 2013

Don't Buy It, Don't Eat It.

I've been meaning to make this post for a long time but I kept forgetting. Now obviously seemed like the perfect time since I don't want to write a paper for my Women's Studies class.

Okay, so here it goes. This is my NUMBER ONE dieting tip...

If it's not on your diet and you shouldn't eat it then don't buy it. 

I always have people tell me they have no self control and always end up eating things they shouldn't. Keeping your house free of junk food is by far the easiest way to avoid this (eating at a restaurant is a different story... or future blog post). This means that you only have to have a lot of self control while you're grocery shopping. While I understand that can be hard to do sometimes, it's definitely not impossible...

Grocery Shopping Success Steps:
1. Do not grocery shop when you're hungry
2. Make a list before you go and STICK TO IT
3. If you have a cheat day then don't buy your cheat items in advance

Here's why this works so well...
1. You can't eat what you don't have. Duh.
2. Most of the time when people cheat on their diet it's because they're in a "I HAVE TO HAVE THIS. GIVE IT TO ME NOW." craving state of mind. (Also known as emotional eating or bored eating.) If you have what you're craving (assuming it's something bad for you) within your reach then you're screwed. Chances are that nothing is going to stop you from running into the kitchen and stuffing your face. However, if you don't have what you're craving at home then you have to take the time to consider whether it's something you actually want (badly enough to go get it), whether or not there's a healthy alternative at home, or if you're even really hungry. Normally my laziness prevails and I realize that I don't want to go drive all the way to go get it. Then once I've decided that I'm not going to give into my craving I can logically think about what I want to eat or if I want to eat at all. I'm not saying that I'm always perfect and manage to talk myself out of driving to get what I want. There is unfortunately a Dairy Queen extremely close to my apartment and we've become very well acquainted. All I'm saying is that having to take the time to go get something often makes you stop and think about whether or not it's worth the effort.
3. If you're sitting at home and start stuffing your face then you're at least stuffing your face with healthy things that will do less damage in the long run. Binging is obviously bad, but if you do it you'll feel less guilty knowing that those 14 rice cakes you ate were only 560 calories instead of a bag of chips that would be in the thousands. - Okay, so maybe not everyone eats 14 rice cakes when they're hungover. Don't judge me.

There are a few problems that can come up with the not buying things approach...
Problem: You're still living at home and Mom and Dad directly buy your groceries.
Solution: Start by nicely asking them if you could try eating healthier as a family. Ideally, they'll say yes and will start buying healthy things. If not, don't get mad. Remember that you're lucky to have food to eat at all. Either give your parents a list of healthy items that you'd like for when they go shopping or start going to the grocery store with them. You can also ask them to clear a special place in the fridge or pantry for you. That way you know that you have a spot of food that is totally okay for you to eat and you'll be more likely to go for it.
Problem: You're living with a roommate and you share your groceries.
Solution: Try nicely asking them to eat healthier with you. If they say no (their loss) then you need to stop sharing groceries. You're ideally not eating all of the junk food that you're buying together so that's wasting your money anyways and knowing that the junk food is technically yours to eat too isn't going to help you stay away from it. Try to explain this as nicely as possible to your roommate. They might get mad and that's okay. They'll get over it.
*Problem: Your significant other doesn't watch what they eat and they want to have something to eat when they're at your place.
Solution: Like the other solutions, try to get them to eat healthier with you. If they say no then you should basically do the reverse of what you'd do if you still live with your parents. Give them a small space in your kitchen for their crappy food. Ideally out of your sight (out of sight, out of mind) and out of your reach. Make sure you have something healthy and yummy for yourself on hand if you're snacking together so you'll be less tempted by their food. Plus, if what you're eating is good then they might be tempted to come over to the healthy side.

*I should note that I'm still incredibly single and have never had a serious relationship (go me... not) so my advice on this one might not be the most sound... but it's what I'd do if I had a boyfriend.

Y'all can comment if you have any questions!


Thursday, December 6, 2012

VS Fashion Show

Naturally I enjoy nothing more than procrastinating during finals so I decided to share my opinion on the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. You know, since you guys asked for my opinion and all. Oh.. wait. Whatever. I do what I want.

Love it or hate it, these women are stunning. Because ...get ready for it... they're models. They get paid to look good. If you happen to be so lucky to have won the genetic lottery and look like you could be struttin' your stuff up there with them then kudos to you. But if not, and you're feeling shitty about it, let's look at some scenarios that arise post show.

- You're feeling blue because it's been all over the internet that Adriana Lima lost her baby weight in like a record breaking 8 weeks post delivery. First off, consider your job depending on you looking good and that job also pays in the millions. How motivated do you think you'd be to get in shape? Furthermore, since it's her JOB to look good she doesn't exactly have other shit to do besides get in shape. She was in the gym for like a minimum of 5 hours a day every day with personal trainers and on an incredibly strict diet. Real people do not have that kind of time. Also, losing baby weight or any weight that fast isn't normal. So if you try to tell yourself that because she did it in 8 weeks you suck at life for not losing your regular weight that fast you need to seriously rethink that.

- You're bummed that you don't look like that in your bra and underwear. In case you weren't aware, all of the runway models for the shows are 5'8" or taller. Of course they look hot as hell in barely anything with their long torsos and long legs and other perfect proportions. The average height for a girl is like 5'4"... Comparing yourself to one of them is just not realistic. I'm not saying that I don't get bitter about how beautiful their bodies are, cause I do. I'm only human. But then I'm like "oh wait I'm barely 5'2" of course I don't look like them" and feel mostly better.

- You become determined to look like one. It's probably not going to happen. You can make yourself look amazing, there's no doubting that. But without the height (or naturally having a longer torso and legs for your height) and workout schedule/personal trainer, you're not going to look like an angel. You also have to realize that baby weight or no baby weight, the models go on all sorts of crazy diets and work out schedules before the show so that they are at their absolute BEST. Adriana once did 9 days of only liquids pre show. Like um hello, hangry?! I mean yeah, their bods still rock the other days of the year but they are literally in their prime for this one event.

All I'm saying is you have to realize that these girls are professionals with atypical bodies. I know I'm guilty of tweeting about being insecure because of them, but no none should let this show seriously impact their life or diet or exercise routine.
ALSO, I still think that Miranda Kerr is one of the most beautiful people to ever live.


P.S. I totally ate a chocolate chip cookie while writing this.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Thanksgiving Survival Guide

It's getting to be the most wonderful time of the year, unless you're on a diet. Dieting makes you spend some portion of your time stressing about what you're going to eat instead of fully enjoying the holidays. At least that's how it is for me, so I created a list of Thanksgiving Dos and Don'ts!

DO ask your parents in advance if they could possibly fit some diet friendly items onto your Thanksgiving menu if there normally aren't any.
DON'T act like a brat and throw a temper tantrum if they say no, especially if you didn't ask in advance. Just because you're trying to eat healthy doesn't mean you family should have to benefit from it (see what I did there). But seriously, it's one day out of the year and you can probably make it through the meal with your diet mostly intact.

DO work out before your big meal if you can fit it in to your day/won't offend your family. It'll make you less likely to stuff yourself like a pig later because you won't want to ruin your work out.
DON'T wait until after your big meal to work out. All signs point to you not doing it. Seriously, you'll be all warm and full and happy and working out will be the last thing you want to do.

DO eat regular meals the rest of the day if it's possible.
DON'T skip your meals if you can help it. I know in the past (those great days before your metabolism slowed down) you might have skipped other meals in order to save room for your Thanksgiving feast. Yeah, bad plan stan. You will get to the table starving and looking to shove your face full of whatever you can get your hands on and will have significantly less control... yikes.

DO offer to help your fam out with Thanksgiving! Volunteer to set the table or clean up around the house before any company gets there. Plus, random household chores burn calories.
DON'T volunteer to help out in the kitchen, unless it's necessary or you'll offend your family by not helping out. Helping in the kitchen leads to 1. being all up in your pantry and fridge and snacking and 2. having to taste random things that might not be so diet friendly... and tasting adds up.

DO try to eat a lot of vegetable dishes at dinner.
DON'T make the mistake of thinking that just because it's a vegetable dish then it's automatically good for you. I'm looking at you, green bean casserole. Seriously, if your vegetables are smothered in butter or cream based soups, you'll probably do more damage to your diet by loading up on them than you would if you had a little bit of that thing that you know is bad for you.

DO eat turkey! Or ham if your family does that. Or a little bit of both if you do both. You get the picture. Both are decently lean and yummy and good for you.
DON'T eat the skin on the turkey or take that so, so delicious top piece of ham that is smothered in sugary glaze.

DO drink water or have small amounts of more decadent drinks.
DON'T forget that the calories you drink count too! Think of all of those wine calories you could have spent on a bigger piece of pie..

DO eat a little of your favorite things.
DON'T not eat a little of your favorite things. I mean it. You will end up sad and hating your diet/life from watching everyone else eat what you've been waiting all year for. You'll also probably end up with your head in the refrigerator a few hours later stuffing your face with that thing you said no to at dinner. Deprivation leads to binging.

DO eat a little dessert.
DON'T skip eating a little dessert. You'll just have the same result as you would from passing on your favorite things. Also, DON'T turn a little dessert into a lot of dessert. Remember, the two Ses in dessert stand for small (portions) and satisfied, not feeling shitty and stuffed. (Okay.. I just made that up. The two Ses in dessert stand for simply scrumptious and the one S in desert stands for sandy. You're welcome, that will be stuck in your head for the rest of your life and you'll never spell it wrong.)

Guys, if I can do it then you can do it. I know you had no way of knowing this but you're basically taking advice from a reformed Thanksgiving barbarian. No joke, there are a series of photos from my youth in which I'm eating Turkey Day food like my mother never taught me impeccable manners. I also have willpower smaller than my attention span when I'm off my ADD meds, so if I can say no you can too.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, remember that Thanksgiving is about being thankful for everything you have. So, if you have to screw your diet up for one day then so be it. It's much better to be with your family, safe and warm, eating unhealthy food than it is to be without any of those things. 

XOXO and Gobble Gobble,

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Why I Reactivated

After my first post you might be wondering why I reactivated my Twitter if I don't want to do anything, so I guess I'll take a sec to explain!

I'm not one of those anons who lives for twitter. I can go days or weeks without tweeting and be perfectly fine. I like my life and don't need to live on the internet. I can't, however, go days or weeks without venting about how much I hate dieting. I would actually probably go insane. The whole reason I created my Twitter in the first place was because I wanted a place to complain as much as I wanted without 1) people knowing it's me and 2) my friends/guys I'm whatevering with to get sick of me tweeting about dieting. (This is also just another indicator that I have no business/desire to be asked for advice. It wasn't even a factor in creating my account!)I felt suuuuper restricted on my personal. I couldn't whine about fat days or about how some girl was eating a reallly delicious looking hamburger right in front of me. I also did feel bad about deactivating. While I'll never understand how I inspire or motivate y'all, I do understand that it's nice to know you're not the only one dieting. I always feel like I'm alone in it because most of my friends just eat whatever and if I help you guys feel like you're not alone then I don't want to take that away from y'all. 


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Here's the deal...

So, as most of you who are reading this know, I deactivated my Twitter last week. While that was mostly brought on by midterm exhaustion and frustration, there were still very valid reasons behind it. I've decided that I'm going to bring my Twitter back... on a few conditions.

1. I am not posting dieting tips or recipes on my Twitter. If I feel like something is worth posting then I'll put it on here. I'll honestly try my hardest to update this consistently. However, I am a real person and I have a very busy, very real life. Twitter and this blog will be coming last on my list of priorities. Sorry I'm not sorry?
2. Unless you have an eating disorder and are looking for someone to confide or talk through some of your struggles with, I am not responding to emails. I will not create shopping lists for you, create personalized workouts for you, or create meal plans for you. So please, don't waste your time. You don't email me, I don't have to take the extra step of sending it to my trash.
3. If you tweet at me and ask me for workouts or recipes, I am actually going to blatantly ignore you. But if you tweet at me with your #dietproblems, that is so fab. I love knowing other people are just as annoyed by the abundance of Taco Bell commercials as I am and will gladly commiserate with you
4. My anonymous instagram was super frustrating for me because everyone was so needy. So, that's gone. Okay... technically it's still there because I don't know how to delete an instagram, but I'm no longer posting on it and I'm working on geting rid of it completely. More than that I will not be posting pictures of anything I make for myself. If they are photo and recipe worthy then they will end up on this blog.

So, did you discover a theme in all of those things? Hopefully? Maybe? If you didn't, that's okay. I'm going to highlight it for you...
I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. Y'all, take a peek at my bio on Twitter. I am CLEARLY just here to complain.
Maybe you're going to read this and think that I'm being mean. Maybe I am mean. But I can tell you exactly what I am not. I am not a dietitian. I am not a physical trainer. I am not a personal/professional chef. I am not your mother. I am, however, a 19 year old full time student at an extremely difficult university. I am in a sorority. I am a volunteer at a tutoring center for underprivileged children every week. I am someone who's dieting and working out as much as they can. I am someone who barely has time for their social life. I am someone who really, really enjoys sleep but doesn't get nearly enough of it. I clearly don't have the time or the knowledge to help almost 20,000 strangers.

You guys say I motivate you (which I think is strange.. I don't feel especially motivational) but you need to be motivating yourself. So, I'm going to tell you what to do to motivate yourself more than any moronic "thinspo" or "fitspo" of a girl with a body that you most likely won't be able to get to will ever motivate you.
1. Take a shower. Make it a long one. Relax a little.
2. Get out of the shower. Dry yourself off.
3. Find a large mirror. Drop your towel.
4. Take a long, hard look in the mirror. If you like what you see then kudos to you. If you don't, get off of your ass and start working to change it.

I will not do the work for you, so allow me to introduce you to my BFF,
1. Go to the aforementioned search engine
2. Type in things like "healthy recipes", "dieting tips", and "exercises to tone ____". Hit search.
3. Browse through your search results and really read the ones you find interesting or legit.
4. Follow through with the advice you find.
5. Congratulations, you have just become as knowledgeable as I am. Feel free to pat yourself on the back. However, you should probably not reward yourself with food. Just sayin'.

Some of my other besties in my weight loss efforts include but are not limited to: watching food network, looking at the rando stories that pop up on my Yahoo! news, and pinterest.

That is the extent of my advice for now. Snaps for me being back!